Mental health –

A person’s condition with regard to their psychological and emotional well-being. (Oxford Dictionary)

‘Positivity’ –

‘The practice of being or tendency to be positive or optimistic in attitude (Oxford Dictionary)

‘Reality’

The state of things as they actually exist, as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them. (Oxford Dictionary)

Why am I writing about this?

I see a lot in the media that ‘being positive’ will keep your mindset strong and help you in life.  Ignoring the negative or pushing it away may be easier, however if you feel something negative and keep pushing it away, it will only get bigger and manifest in a way you may not expect.  I see all the time at work that parents do lots of praising to encourage good behaviour or less disturbed behaviour, however, when someone is feels really awful, they ideally need the experience of someone being alongside them.  A kindness in understanding and being with rather than trying to make change.

Positivity can be really helpful to promote better habits and behaviour, even if it means giving rewards to a teenager to get them to clean their room, the positivity is important.  It is a needed part of life and of course researched a lot in terms of positive reinforcement encourages behaviours.  Those behaviours may not always be good however.   In the same way that you acknowledge a child who has done something well or managed something new.  Praise, positives, encouraging positive behaviour is really important. Sometimes it might seem ‘over the top’ to praise for the same thing over and over.

Mental health however does not ‘go away’ because you try to be positive. Be realistic. If you are feeling crap – you cannot turn your crap feelings into ‘positivity’. Anyone who has lost someone – will understand that you can not switch this type of feeling off no matter how hard you want it to go away.

I encourage you to think about mental health realistically and not just in ‘positivity’ terms.

I tell parents all the time at work – If your child is struggling to get up to school or get out of bed because of their anxiety, depression, symptoms of psychosis….ignoring the symptoms and talking about all the ‘positive’ things you could achieve in a day WILL NOT BE HEARD.

Tips to help someone who struggles with mental health

Do not’s –

Tell them how many brilliant things that they can do in the day when they can’t make a start on one.
Say ‘today is a new day, get on with it’.
Explain ‘oh it’s so easy – just get up and come out with me’.

Do’s

Acknowledge how they are feeling – ‘I can see that you are struggling today’
Sit with them and think about what is stopping them.
Sit with them and think about what will make things easier.

There are ALWAYS things that make things easier.

If someone is anxious –

about meeting a group of friends but is ok sitting just with you – you can readjust plans. You can think about how many people the person can manage. Is the problem the actual place the group is meeting – maybe a shopping centre isn’t a good idea, but a park is ok? Maybe – the difficulty is the person being worried about not knowing what to say – prepare some conversation topics.

If someone is depressed and feeling low –

they don’t want to get out of bed – make a cup of tea (first point in any intervention in my opinion). Find out what the worst things are for that person at that time. Just because the last time you saw this person they may have felt low in mood about one thing (not completing their work target/exams), doesn’t mean it will always be the same thing. Always ASK what is happening in that moment. Again, there will always be a way to adjust the situation – maybe you can’t get out of the house, but getting up to make lunch together could be really productive and mood boosting.

Summary

Long and short of what I’m saying is ‘positivity’ is NOT what people need when they are struggling. It can make things worse. Finding yourself in the other persons’ reality just for a short period of time will feel wholly more meaningful and worthwhile.